Tears of RAGE

When I was small,I was known amongst many for my bad temper.I would beat up my classmates,I would throw things around,scream like a girl gone mad,break things,stop eating,slam doors and so on.

Of course,my parents used to have a tough time controlling me...because when I was in the "angry-mode",there was no stopping me.People used to try to quieten me saying "You are a girl,you should be tolerant and demure,not fierce and angry!Such tempers are bad for you",and that used to make me more angry.

I was of the notion that when one is angry,he or she should just vent it out.And thats what I did.
Eventually,I cooled down,though not too much.Nowadays when I am very very very angry,I just keep silent or cry.People think me I am weak and all,but theres no other way to control the destruction that would follow my temper.

But at times,I feel-without any reason-uncontrollable,each cell of my body screams to tear something apart,my hands are anxious to throw something,and my voice wants to come out of the lungs in ultrasonic waves and just scream.

And all this happening in the middle of a boring lecture in my college!

I can't cry,I can't scream,I can't bang my desk,I can't throw my notebook,I can't scream and run away from my class...although all these seem very much the better options!
Eventually,I feel tired,worn out,like I have been given an injection for my adrenalin to lessen.But I have to keep my head up through another class too...oh God!

And hence come out my poetry that you all have (not all) have read below this post.

After the classes,I just go to my room,and pretending to be asleep,I cry.I cry and try to sooth my bursting head,try to find what exactly caused this strange anger which starts as abruptly as it ends.And I get no answer.
When in earlier days,I used to read the term "Tears Of Rage",I never understood how any person can cry being angry! But,it happens.

P.S:
The reason for my anger is not the lecturers (Although I would like to think so) nor my college.:P
And one more thing...I was born on the day of Shiv Ratri :P (HeeHee)